I’m meant to be going to a local rock club later and these are my thoughts. I’ll try to make a post after the fact — explaining how it went in actuality.
I’m simply not good at large groups of people. They make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. I’m a member of a meetup site and haven’t been in awhile for this reason and the time constraints of working full time and studying. My last meet up was the piano group which I left abruptly. I wrote about this in a previous post; it wasn’t pretty.
I’ve grown a bit tired of my excuses though and those around me have began to feel the same I think. Perhaps it is my imagination but I suspect that it’s felt that what I refer to as anxiety is simple childish awkwardness and shyness that I ought to have grown out off as I’m now 20.
Perhaps I am better than I think. I have been going to the gym off and on for a couple months – even braving the dreaded testosterone-saturated (man) weights area with success and haven’t died or been gripped with the feeling of wanting to sink to the earth’s core. Perhaps clubbing will be the same and I’m more self assured now than I give myself credit for.
I will find out tonight but alas, I am terrified.