To some extent or another, I’ve held insecurities about my body for most of my life.
For most of it, though, I was scrawny. While I did have a somewhat bigger build, there wasn’t much fat on my frame. I did no sports after school as this was disallowed but I regularly walked long distances and played with my classmates in our breaks.
I had a weight spurt when I returned to the UK in 2010. And I stayed roughly 80-85kg until I moved out into my flat in 2012. I’d been on an “independence package” when I was preparing to move out of the care home. I’d learnt to budget and meal plan and so was reasonably disciplined for the first few months at the new place. This all fell apart when college began. I made wrong lifestyle choice after lifestyle choice. I rarely cooked and mainly ate simple carbohydrates in the form of cereal boxes and pastries. As I grew increasingly large, I felt more and more self-concious about my appearance and so I rarely left my house when I wasn’t at college or at my private music classes.
In total, I gained about 40 kg of fat during the 2 years at the Sixth Form. Once I’d left, I resolved to lose it all. I tried making a fitness blog on a student forum I use, in 2014. That soon swamped but I did begin to make drastic changes. I stopped gaining weight as I stopped binging as much as I did previously and I became significantly more active. I had a burst of motivation at the end of the year and managed to lose over 15kg. Unfortunately, I gained some of it again over Christmas but started 2015 at just 107 kg which is is significantly lower than the 126kg at which I’d peaked.
So far this year, I’ve tried diets, the insanity programme, couch 2 5k and the good old gym. I’ve run out of steam with each endeavour. In retrospect, I realise that this is because I’ve had the wrong mindset. The key really is consistency. After considering the problem logically, I’ve made the obvious conclusion that it’s inevitable I’d have ‘bad’ days where I might be invited somewhere unhealthy to eat or be unable to go out because of the weather. But it’s important not to let my momentum go but to rather get back on track as quickly as possible and continue to consistently make good choices.
My current goal is to try to get to 99 kg by the end of the year. I’ve already achieved the milestone of being able to shop again in most normal clothes shops again. Thus, it would be nice to achieve the following goal of getting down to double digits, size-wise.