The Daily Mail is quoted here as stating that the average number of friends a person has on the website is 287. The number of facebook friends I possess currently falls far short from this number and yet this is about the 5th time I’ve felt the need to deactivate the account. Once again, proving that I’m less adept at handling day to day situations than those around me.
I thought I’d gotten myself to a fairly good place mentally. Infact, just this morning I remarked to my sister that “I feel so much better than I did earlier this year during my dark period”. I saw my shrink privately for the first time a few days ago and haven’t really had occasion to feel bad since. However, my feelings of insecurity which I’d successfully managed to keep buried in the deeper recesses of my mind came bubbling to the surface earlier when a friend made me feel like dirt, like a nuisance, like he was only tolerating me because he felt too rude to say “Shut up!”.
I currently feel like I’ve been pushed to the edge of an emotional cliff and I’m hanging onto the edge for dear life. The sea of depression is beneath me and while I’ve yet to fall, the mist is still able to surround me – gifting me with a feeling of melancholy. I still have the strength to climb my way up back to safety however facebook feels like the anchor that’s attempting to pull me down and it’s in my best interest to cut it, for now at least.
This is temporary and some people might feel like I’m being an attention whore. However, this is what I require right now to preserve my sanity and I’m beginning to learn that it doesn’t really matter what other people think.